The Mental Load Is Draining Your Energy — Here’s How to Take It Back

The Mental Load Is Draining Your Energy — Here’s How to Take It Back

If you’ve ever fallen into bed at night feeling wrung out, even on a day when you barely left the house, there’s a reason.

It’s called the mental load — one of the most underestimated drains on women’s energy in midlife.

What mental load really is (and why you feel it so deeply now)

Mental load is the invisible labour that never clocks off. The background app in your brain is constantly running — remembering the groceries, keeping track of school forms, scheduling doctor’s appointments, checking on ageing parents, managing workplace deadlines, and holding space for everyone’s emotions.

It’s relentless, and unlike physical tasks, it doesn’t have a clear “done” point. There’s always one more thing to remember, one more person to check on.

In midlife, this load often gets heavier. Many of us are in the sandwich generation — caught between caring for kids who still need us and parents who suddenly need more support. Add to that career responsibilities, hormonal shifts, and the social conditioning that tells women our worth is tied to how much we do for others… and it’s no wonder you’re running on empty.

The health cost no one talks about

Mental load doesn’t just make you feel tired. It affects your actual health.

• Sleep disruption – When your brain can’t stop replaying to-do lists, you don’t get the deep, restorative sleep your body craves.
• Hormone chaos – Chronic stress ramps up cortisol, which can mess with blood sugar, mood, and metabolism — especially during perimenopause and menopause.
• Inflammation and immune strain—Long-term stress can lower your immune defences and increase inflammation, raising your risk for chronic conditions.
• Brain fog – Carrying everyone’s mental and emotional needs leaves little bandwidth for focus, creativity, or problem-solving.

This isn’t about being “bad at coping” or “not resilient enough.” It’s biology, stress physiology, and years of cumulative overfunctioning.

How to start lightening the load (without burning your life down)

You don’t have to quit your job or move to a cabin in the woods to feel better. Small, strategic changes can create fundamental shifts in your energy.

1. Name the invisible work. 
   Simply writing down everything you’re carrying — from “book dentist” to “remember to text Sarah back” — makes it visible, and visibility is the first step to sharing it.
2. Share the responsibility
   If you live with a partner or family, make the mental load a family conversation. Dividing thinking work is just as important as dividing physical chores.
3. Say “no” like you mean it.
   Every “yes” is a withdrawal from your energy bank. Be deliberate about where you spend it.
4. Create white space in your brain.
   Build in truly yours moments: a walk without your phone, five minutes of deep breathing, time in nature, or just sitting with a cuppa in peace.
5. Support your biology
   Eat regularly to stabilise blood sugar, move daily, prioritise sleep, and reduce alcohol. These foundations help you handle life’s demands without running yourself ragged.

You’re not failing — you’re overloaded

The fatigue you’re feeling isn’t a sign you’re weak. It’s a sign you’ve been operating at full capacity for too long without the recovery your body and mind need.

So here’s your gentle reminder: your energy is precious. Protect it. Nurture it. And don’t be afraid to put some of that mental load down — it’s not all yours to carry.